Adjusting to MS is very much like a grieving process. We are often grieving the life we used to have; being able to run or dance, being able to wear high heeled shoes, being able to get up and go across the room or the parking lot or store without a mobility aid.

Dr. Katherine Kubler Ross published her stages of grief which have been widely applied to losing a loved one, but her original work was with ill and dying patients. The stages she detailed are:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

Each stage can occur in any order and repeat over and over.

Denial can be a feeling of disbelief or an assertion that “I’m not that sick, I can keep doing what I always have”. Eventually the powerful tool of denial does not work any more.

Anger is natural. We cannot continue to be angry forever

Bargaining often takes shape as a belief that if only we do the right things everything will be fine. Eat right, exercise, follow doctors’ orders, pray.

Depression is also natural and understandable. The problem is when we stay there too long and it impacts all aspects of our lives.

Acceptance is not getting over anything, but rather learning to move on in spite of it all.

With relapsing remitting disease, we are often thrown back to a stage we already faced. A flare up, a new symptom or having to let go of something new starts us back at depression or anger. Fear is part of all the stages. Acceptance is illusive.

We need to remind ourselves of what we’ve already managed and give ourselves some grace to feel the grief and keep on going.